Grah, y'wanna know something that bugs the heck out of me? When someone comes up to me and compares my work (whether AMVs, art, writing, etc.) to someone else's, who's clearly better than me, no duh, and acts like a jerk about it and what not! There's this one guy on YouTube who's really harshly critiquing my AMVs. I've only made 3 of them, and to him it may have looked like I didn't put much work into them, but they were my first three and rawr! I'm trying to be as polite to him as I can be, but it's just really irritating that he's acting like this! If he's comparing my work to his, then I'll be less irritated. Now, granted this guy isn't bad, but I'd be appreciative of his honest (at least they're honest) comments if he didn't act like he was looking down on me in terms of making AMVs! Grah! *burns something*

A list of some of my pet peeves:
1.) When I'm looked down upon.
2.) When I'm idolized. (Hey, that should go to God, not me.)
3.) When people judge me before knowing me. (This accounts for, hmmm, just about EVERYBODY in my class. Sure I'm quiet and a bit introverted, but if you just take the time to get to know me, then it's better. Besides, I've always been quiet in a big group.)
4.) When people don't even try to understand me.
5.) When people throw stuff back in my face.
6.) When people critique me in a very mean, rude, and obnoxious way.
7.) When people don't take me seriously when I'm freaking pissed. (There are some people who are very lucky to be relatively sane given some of what I can think up.)
8.) When people don't take me seriously in general, when they should be able to tell that I'm not joking.
9.) When people touch me in the very early morning, late at night, or when I'm hormonal.
10.) When people push my buttons when I'm hormonal. (When I'm hormonal, my self-control tends to just fly out the window. And I tend to warn people when I'm hormonal, that I am just that. So if they don't listen to said warning, it's their own fault for the outcome.)
11.) Whn ppl tlk lke ths and use txt msging wrds and such. (Where the hell are the vowels in that!? It's not that hard to type out a few little vowels, dang it!)
12.) When I'm not able to scare the sh!t out of someone and they've pushed my buttons, ignored my warnings, etc. (Hehe, all I'd have to do would be to read Ray Bradburry's "The October Game" and they'd be scared out of their wits, with how I would read it.)
13.) When I'm being lectured about something that I've been lectured about 500,000,000,000 times before.
14.) When people judge me by my family. (I am not my family! Despite genetics and such! I am me! I am not my parents!)
15.) When my sister picks on my brother mercilessly, I have to step in, and I'm made the bad guy.
16.) When my sister doesn't listen to me (like last night), tries to get a compromise out of me when she's in no position to do so and has been defying my authority when my parents are gone, does something to my brother, and still disobeys me. (I don't know why I haven't told my parents yet. Hmm, I'll have to do that next time she does that.)
17.) When I'm lied to about critical stuff, or stuff that's got to do with emotions. (I'll get hurt, and be sad, but over all, I'll just get angry.)
18.) When I'm over all not respected as a person, as much as being the human I am, I can be respected.

And, I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of the rest right now. Geez, I hate it when I get mad and/or sadistic, it's almost like another person takes over...

[link]

On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

On this bed I lay
Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by
Was it all too much
Or just not enough
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

- Time of Dying, Three Days Grace



Well, I've been feeling very up and down over the past two days. Yesterday I was so close to crying, it's not even funny. Yeah, I found out, for anyone who doesn't know already, that Alyssa's tumor is Grade 3, and she's got a 35% (?) chance of survival. But, given that she's young, it goes up. She doesn't have the worst possible brain tumor to get (Stayka said something about that earlier, and it it turns out, that sort of tumor only has a survival rate of 2-3%, and less.), but it's still bad. On the upside, I hopped aboard the Nyu's Art Meme thing, so that's up. It got my mind off some of this stuff that's going on. I'm finding that drawing has been helping. x.x I'm so tired, but I've got work I've gotta do and I wanna see Alyssa again tomorrow... Meh, my life is hell right now. I know of people that've been through worse, though, so I'm not saying that my life is all that bad, but, it's still hell...

[link]

I am the comfortable secure
The definition of this western world
And I have perfected deceit
Even I believe I'm above saving
I'll never let You see

I am the broken
I am the bruised
I am the poor ones
I have been used.

When I am breathing my last breath
"Come and save me" I will cry to You
'Cause pride has not let me say
Bring me to my knees,
Why does it take so much pain for me to see?
If strength is only fond when I am on my knees,
Why is it so hard t o show that I am weak?

I am the broken
I am the bruised
I am the poor ones
I have been used.

- Song for the Broken, Barlow Girl



I went to see Alyssa again today. Turns out the tumor's malignant. (For those who don't understand such highly technical terms, that means it's cancerous.) This isn't good. In part, because within the span of not even a year, two people at my school, in my class, who've been going to my school since it started when they were in 1st grade, have gotten cancer. One with lymphoma and my friend with brain cancer. It sounds like she's probably gonna have to go through chemo and/or radiation of sorts. Possibly also surgery to remove it. x.x I'm thinking that the whole cancer thing isn't just a coincidence. I'm not sure what God could be trying to say, but it's not a coincidence. So, yeah, prayers are still very much needed.

Okay, to get this out of the way first, my leg has been doing well and recovering. I'm out of the brace for the main part, except in school, where it's still dangerous to wander the halls (even with two good legs). Also, someone talked to me who's never talked to me before and asked me about my leg. His name is Trevor Crane. o.o;; It was just randomly today that he did, and I'm wondering why. Kudos to anyone who can take a guess at it.

Now, what you've all been waiting for, the update on Alyssa. I went to see her today (seeing as her mom called last night and said it'd be okay). She's doing well, and she's named her tumor 'Timmy Tumor'. If you've seen Fairly Odd Parents, you'll get that joke. ^^ So basically, yesterday the doctors had to do a biopsy and drain the fluid out of the tumor (she was out during all of this), but she's up and away and laughing, with some temporary short term memory loss. (<-- I've been having too much fun with that!) Now, prayers are still needed, seeing as depending upon the outcome of the biopsy, she may need to go back into surgery and/or have chemo and/or radiation therapy done. And, from what her mom's said, it sounds like this is genetic, seeing as Mrs. Geske's (Lyss' mom) dad died of a brain tumor. So, yeah, that's what I've got for ya. I'm feeling much better than I was yesterday as well.

Today has been absolutely horrible. Alyssa, of course wasn't there today, I've been having trouble focusing, and, yeah, it wasn't fun. For those of you who don't know, Alyssa is my best friend. She'd been getting migraines for the past two weeks, tomorrow. She went into the doctor's the other day, and they found out that it's a tumor. (I'm praying that it was only one...) She went into the operating room today, and they had to either biopsy or remove the blasted thing. Since it's around her CNS (Central Nervous System) there's a possibility that she could have memory loss, personality change, etc. Even if she does have a major personality change, and I lose her as a friend (devastating as that may be...) it's very trivial compared to her losing her faith. Speaking of such, I need people to pray that she recovers fully and that this doesn't happen again. Right now, seeing as her mom didn't call, I'm assuming that she made it through the surgery alright. But, well, yeah...